A Nice Spring Yellow or Maybe a Fabulous Pink?

Why is it that when I think things are looking pretty black...they start to turn around?  When I breathe and take a step back, things are never nearly as bad as they seem.  Yet, I never seem to remember this when I'm in the middle of that dark place.  My friend posted recently about saying it like you mean it...about giving your words meaning.  So important.  As much or more so in the words we tell ourselves.  You know what I'm talking about; those words we tell ourselves in our head.  The ones we would never tell our best friend.  The names we call ourselves.  The ones we would never call our family.  We manifest those words we "speak" to ourselves.  No wonder things start looking pretty black.  And, while I look smashing in black, I'm tired of my brain being black...it's just not the right color!  I'm thinking a nice spring yellow...or maybe a fabulous pink!  I'm done with black brain; how about you?

Frustration

Definition of frustration from Wikipedia (bolding is my emphasis):

"...a common emotional response to opposition. Related to anger and disappointment, it arises from the perceived resistance to the fulfillment of individual will. The greater the obstruction, and the greater the will, the more the frustration is likely to be. Causes of frustration may be internal or external. In people, internal frustration may arise from challenges in fulfilling personal goalsdesires, instinctual drives and needs, or dealing with perceived deficiencies, such as a lack of confidence or fear of social situations.  Conflict can also be an internal source of frustration;  when one has competing goals that interfere with one another, it can create cognitive dissonance."

 Well there you have it...I'm frustrated by what I see as a lack of forward movement in my life.  I'm plagued by a number of ideas and yet I seem unwilling or unable to find the time and energy to follow through with them.  It always seems like I end up looking to others for fulfillment. 

I've been working hard to learn to be open to new possibilities and opportunities.  It's hard not to get frustrated when I see someone else moving forward.  I'm happy for them but still a bit jealous.  What is it about human nature that makes us jealous of those people; that makes us think the grass is always greener on the other side, so to speak?

When I stop to take the time, I realize my life is great.  I'm learning new things, I love my job, and I love my family.  Stuff and things are not the important part; people are the important part.  Guess that's why frustration "can create cognitive dissonance."

Not sure this post makes any sense.  Welcome to my thought process!

I'm here...really I am!

Its been an interesting year.  One where I learned a lot about myself and my body.  In a month or so, I will be giving birth to a baby boy, a brand new human.  What a sense of responsibility that seems.  On some level, being pregnant for nine months seems like a long time; on another level, it seems totally appropriate to be pregnant for that long.  I don't exactly feel ready but I do feel more prepared and accepting of the fact that a little guy is coming to live at the Jones Cottage.  I'm comforted by the love and support we have from our families and the people in our lives.  

Speaking of families...it's amazing how many people come from crappy families.  We've never been rich money wise but the older I get, the more I realize just how rich my family really is; how rare it is for a family to honestly like each other and want to spend time together.  And, I've never felt like it was pushed.  It just seemed to happen.  I can only hope we can continue that with the future generations. To help them develop their own family connections, whatever that may be.  

As I've traveled this path of pregnancy, I've come to realize that my child will not have the same kind of childhood that I had and that's okay.  I used to think that if I couldn't give my child the same experiences as I had then I didn't want to have children.  Now, I realize that the experiences will be different, they have to be, but maybe/hopefully they will be rich experiences filled with love and the outdoors just as mine were.  It's okay and probably better that they will be different.  Things have to change and evolve...the world isn't what it was when I was a kid and I can't expect that it should be. We'll just have to see where the adventure takes us next! 

PS. In case you couldn't tell....I love my family very much!!!!

Keeping up with the Joneses...All 10,000 of Them!

We have been talking about this for a few years...and it was just talk.  Apparently this year is the time to increase the Jones household.  Their plush accommodations have been waiting for  2 months.  Luckily it didn't take 9 months to bring these little babies home.

Yesterday was the introduction of honeybees.  We ordered 3lbs of them from Ruhl Bee Supply in Gladstone.  They were delayed by a day due to poor weather driving up from California but they finally made it.  We even managed to get them into the hive without either one of us getting stung!  That was even with not knowing really what we were doing and not using our veils properly...we both ended up with a couple in the veil.  No big deal though.  They are at their calmest right now.  This fall when the want to protect their honey stores...that will be a different story.

And for the question everyone, who hasn't had bees themselves, is asking..."Why bees?"  My flipant answer is always, "Why not!" But, let's be honest.  There's more to it than that.  

I do not harbor back to the land yearnings as my husband suspects.  Nor do I want to turn our small city lot into GreenAcres which he also is very concerned about.  No, neither of these things are the reason.  But, I do have agrarian needs.  I do worry about things like colony collapse and bee decline.  I am wise enough to know (I hope) that my one hobby hive is not going to be enough to stop the devastation.  

I do know though that I am setting a precedence for my children...the idea that nature is not to be afraid of...that nature is a nourishing part of our soul.  Its important to us. Important to remember that we are not healthy when we try to shut nature out of our lives.  We depend on nature and visa versa.  

I look forward to learning about my Girls, their habits, and their needs.  I look forward to teaching my child about nature and respect. Our bees will be just one little part of the natural world that can bring peace and interest into our lives.  So when people ask, its "Why not?" and so much more.

Seriously...I don't think so!

I love all things food...how it's grown, how it's processed, cooking, reading recipes...if it's about food I'm all over it. I'm even fairly willing to try a lot of things...but we all have to draw the line. I think I could have made it had I not seen this picture. Yes, your are reading that right! It's goat penis. Apparently it's the cause of a recent food safety scare in Vietnam. And, the peni (plural for penis?) had been imported from Australia. So, what we have here is an international goat penis trade. Sorry, this just has fascinated me since I heard about it earlier this week!
Picture from: http://barfblog.foodsafety.ksu.edu/uploads/image/GoatPenis_JPG.jpeg

Small Farms Conference

Today I am attending the 9th Annual OSU Extension Service Small Farms Conference at Oregon State University (OSU). This is the third year I have attended. As always its been a wonderful experience. This year has the highest attendance, around 500 attendees. The beauty of this conference is it brings together farmers, market managers, restaurant owners, schools, state employees, federal employees, food bank folks....basically the whole range of folks involved in dealing with were our food comes from.

The session I went to this morning was led by the executive director, Andy Fisher, of the Community Food Security Coalition. It was an informative session about what their organization does and possible things we can expect on the national level. I was extremely struck by something Mr. Fisher said about food being a social justice issue. I know this subconsciously but haven't really approached this from a conscious level.

I also had an interesting discussion with a lady interested in local foods who lives in the Redding, CA, area. If you haven't been paying attention lately, water is a huge issue world wide. California is experiencing one of the worst droughts since 1977. An article came out this week indicating the feds may shut off all water to agriculture in CA for a three-week period. This lady indicated that farmers with orchards in her area for example could lose their trees and go out of business. They would likely never be able to return if this happens.

All of this will result in increasingly higher food prices. Food is not cheap and that's a lesson that we as Americans need to realize. We spend less of our income on food than many developed countries. Our farmers typically make less than minimum wage. I don't have any answers but thought I'd share these thoughts with you.

Do You Belong...Do You Even Want To?

Most of us want to belong. We want to have that sense of community, of being part of a group.


On one hand, I want to be an individual. I've been taught my entire life to be an individual, yet being an individual isn't always enough. Is this a character flaw? At times it would feel as if it is. I should be strong enough to do things on my own. I don't want to have to rely on others. I'll do it myself! Yet, I still seek out community in my life. I want to be part of a group.

According to Sarason (Professor of Psychology Emeritus at Yale University), sense of community is “the perception of similarity to others, an acknowledged interdependence with others, a willingness to maintain this interdependence by giving to or doing for others what one expects from them, and the feeling that one is part of a larger dependable and stable structure.” Others have defined sense of community as “a feeling that members have of belonging, a feeling that members matter to one another and to the group, and a shared faith that members’ needs will be met through their commitment to be together.”

A problem can arise when you don't have a perception of similarity. It's us vs them, but what about when feel like you're neither an us or a them? What if you feel like both.

Can you really be both?

Some days I'm not sure where I am. I feel pulled in many different directions. You see me one way, she sees me another way, and I don't see myself either way. None of these things are negatives, they are just opportunities to look outside of ourselves and open up to the greater world. If you don't feel the need to belong, good for you, I guess. If you do, maybe you want to think about the different groups and how you belong to each. What strengths do you see in your various groups? What are they sharing with and teaching to you? What are you providing in return? Each of us has talents and strengths that we share with those around us. Many times we don't even realize what those talents or strengths might be. Sit down with an honest friend some time and ask them what they see as your strengths or talents. It might just surprise you!

Maybe you belong more than you think and matter to those in your community! And, others are committed to you and you to them, even if you think you have to be an individual and don't yet know how to ask for those things you need.